Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Angry Rant

I don't know why I should feel angry lately, but I've been really angry. I think it may be because I am getting frustrated by my increasing inability to do things for myself. Anytime I try to do something, I either drop things, spill things and end up gasping for air and feel SO tired. Talking on the phone is getting to be harder and harder. Even short phone conversations are getting harder and harder.

So do I give up? Should I just sit in my chair and wait for P. to come home from work? Should I dump more and more responsibility on her? Have her help me get washed up, dressed, undressed, make meals, set the table, load the dish washer. The list goes on and covers all aspects of my life.

I tell the doctors that I am always tired and seems to tire easier and easier. They just listen and don't say anything about my tiredness. They just order sputum cultures and blood work. However, these tests don't seem to contain any answers.

In addition to being tired all the time and having no energy to do anything except sit. I seem to be packing on the pounds. So now I don't like my body. The dam thing won't do what I would like it to do.

I think that it bothers me that P. and I never seem to talk anymore. After supper she cleans up most of the meal and dishes and goes and sits by her computer. I on the other hand sit in the den and do my Albuteral. After which I am so exhausted that it is time to get ready for bed. However, if she does sit in the den, we don't talk because I don't have the energy to talk. So I feel like I am going round and round just circling the drain.

Well maybe this rant will help me feel better. Although I must admit that it hasn't yet.


Blogger Me said...

I listened and I empathize, does that help?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006 at 1:33:00 PM PST  
Blogger Lisa (Froggyhead) said...

Hi, I found you through "ME", who I see has commented above. :) I know that I would be totally frustrated if everything I did tired me out. I hope the angry rant did you good. Sometimes it does help just to get it out. I've enjoyed reading over your blog. I like the way you describe meeting with friends. Makes me feel like getting out of the house.

Thursday, November 16, 2006 at 5:21:00 AM PST  
Blogger UP said...

Well Me and Lissa, I am not certain if it did me any good. I am still a bit upset today, however I think I may have identified what caused the "Angry Rant" yesterday. I have a doctor appointment today. It is just a "hi, how are you appointment", but it seems as if I don't get any answers, or I get bad news.

I think the other reason for feeling angry is that P. had a couple days off from work. So after she was in bed on Monday with the flu, she spent Tuesday and Wednesday shopping, meeting a friend for lunch and being busy around the house. I think it bothered me that I just didn't feel well enough to do much. I did manage to go to a grocery store with her on Tuesday but then was too tired to take her out to lunch yesterday.

Thursday, November 16, 2006 at 11:24:00 AM PST  

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