Angry Rant

I don't know why I should feel angry lately, but I've been really angry. I think it may be because I am getting frustrated by my increasing inability to do things for myself. Anytime I try to do something, I either drop things, spill things and end up gasping for air and feel SO tired. Talking on the phone is getting to be harder and harder. Even short phone conversations are getting harder and harder.

So do I give up? Should I just sit in my chair and wait for P. to come home from work? Should I dump more and more responsibility on her? Have her help me get washed up, dressed, undressed, make meals, set the table, load the dish washer. The list goes on and covers all aspects of my life.

I tell the doctors that I am always tired and seems to tire easier and easier. They just listen and don't say anything about my tiredness. They just order sputum cultures and blood work. However, these tests don't seem to contain any answers.

In addition to being tired all the time and having no energy to do anything except sit. I seem to be packing on the pounds. So now I don't like my body. The dam thing won't do what I would like it to do.

I think that it bothers me that P. and I never seem to talk anymore. After supper she cleans up most of the meal and dishes and goes and sits by her computer. I on the other hand sit in the den and do my Albuteral. After which I am so exhausted that it is time to get ready for bed. However, if she does sit in the den, we don't talk because I don't have the energy to talk. So I feel like I am going round and round just circling the drain.

Well maybe this rant will help me feel better. Although I must admit that it hasn't yet.