Snow

As I sit in the den looking out the window at the 4 inches of fresh snow that arrived during the night I started thinking about snow. Then I thought about my sisters phone call yesterday telling me her kids were being sent home from school. They were sent home after only being in school for a couple of hours, because of snow. Here are a few of my memories of snow and High School.

When I was in High School, our family lived in western Kansas. Every morning the bus driver Ed would stop the school bus on the road in front of the house and blow the horn. However, on those mornings when it would be snowing, he would pull the bus into the church parking lot and put chains on the tires. After the chains were on all seven of us, my 4 sisters and 2 brother and myself, would pile aboard the bus to begin the slow, bumpy, torturous bus ride to pick up the rest of the kids and then head off down the final stretch of oil road to town. Often by late winter those old Kansas dirt roads seem to be mostly made up of ruts and the school bus would slew and slide around in those ruts, throwing us around in our seats.

Occasionally the bus would become stuck or it would slide off the road into the ditch. One time we almost slid off a small bridge and Ed sent my older brother walking back up the road to ask for the help of a tractor to pull us back onto the road. Another time during my senior year, the bus got stuck and it took Ed and myself a good hour of shoveling snow to get unstuck. Ed would shovel for a while then get back into the bus to warm up and than I would shovel for a while until I got cold.

My older brother reminded me of the time a snowstorm was forecast, and the school principle did not believe the weather forecast so they sent the buses out? Dad was a bit upset but we went anyway. Running 1½ hour late, we made it all the way around the route and had just picked up the last family when the office called Ed on the radio and told him to turn around and drop us all back off. It stormed so much we did not have school for another 3 days.

I could write volumes about my memories of snow. However, before boring everyone I will save those memories for some other time.

Life brings change but maybe not the answers you want.

After a month of going to the “Ologist”, Urologist, Neurologist, Pulmonologist, and an Infectious Disease doctor. And after having all the blood tests, various cultures, and x-rays the verdict is in.

I do not have any underlying infection, so the conclusion is that the Spinal Cerebellar Degeneration has progressed. I am not surprised at this diagnosis because I had already come to the conclusion that I had lost ground. However, my doctors had to rule out anything else that might be causing the same symptoms. I have less energy than before, I am having trouble standing and transferring from the recliner to the wheel chair. Transferring isn’t an issue in the morning, but by evening I find myself standing holding onto my walker talking to my right leg telling it to slid so I can continue to my wheelchair. I always make it but sometimes it takes longer than I like.

Also because of my weaken state, I am having trouble exhaling. Up until now I have used a Humid-Vent in my vent circuit to trap moisture on the exhalation cycle and to add the trapped moisture back on the inhalation cycle. By early afternoon I am so exhausted from the effort of exhaling against the Humid-Vent I have to remove it from the ventilator circuit. Once the Humid-Vent is removed, my lungs get dry and I am forced to spend my afternoons in bed so I can connect the vent circuit to the external humidity reservoir. Fortunately this is only a short-term condition. The Home Health Company is working on installing a humidity reservoir on my vent. Of course this all takes time. They first need orders from my doctor, and then they will have to order the additional equipment from the ventilator manufacture. So this all takes time.

Because of the progression of the disease I now have trouble talking. My voice is much weaker so I find myself using the Internet to Email and Instant Messaging more. While using Email and Instant Messaging are a convenient way to communicate, they aren’t the same as talking. However, Email and Instant Messaging allow me to get outside of my little recliner world.

Still there is one bothering issue in all of this. As a Christian I often request prayers for help being patient for myself and dealing with the disease, and for dealing with others when I don’t feel well. I also often request prayers for relieve from pain, from exhaustion, from boredom, and from worrying about an uncertain future. And sometimes people ask me what hidden sin do I have in my life that is not allowing God to perform a miracle of healing. I am given the impression that I am at fault for not allowing God’s miracle of healing to happen. I don’t believe I have ever raised this issue in my Blog before. However, yesterday while driving me home from the doctor a friend talked about this very issue. After talking to my friend about this issue I decided to address it in my Blog.

I feel this mentality stems partly from people not being able to deal with the uncertainties of life. I do believe God can and does do miracles. I do not believe that after 46 years of health issues God is going to miraculously heal me. I do believe God answers prayers and gives me relief from pain, exhaustion, and worry about the future.

I have not posted a lot this month, because I did not wanting this Blog to become a long list of disappointing and depressing news. However, because this Blog is about my live dealing with the Spinal Cerebellar Degeneration.